I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
