she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
