I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
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I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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