She announced her abortion via fbk
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
