just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize