I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
