I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
