I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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