Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
