wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
