There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
