So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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