I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
