my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
