i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
