Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
