absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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