and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I have vodka in my lungs
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
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I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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