Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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