dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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