Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
