Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
