I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
