We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
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She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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