Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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