Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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