so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
