dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
