Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
