my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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