forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
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Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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