how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
