The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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