Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
