Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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