bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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