remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think my vagina is haunted
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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