i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
