Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
