I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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