I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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