I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
