She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
