you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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