What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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