i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
