I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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