we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
pray to the hookup gods
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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