I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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