I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
