There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
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We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
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My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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