youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
