i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
