I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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