not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
