Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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