I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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