I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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