In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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