um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
