So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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