No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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