I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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