I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize