What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
