The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
