I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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