My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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