I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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