I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
