Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
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He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
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Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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